Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
