But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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