My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize