Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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