PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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