He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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