I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
