I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
