Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
