Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
