I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I will be naked everywhere
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
