when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize