honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
