I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
