pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
