You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize