Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
