So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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