On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
