i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
