so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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