She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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