So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
