another moral hangover. fuck.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
