Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
