Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
