I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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