Fine. I'll sleep in my office
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
