I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
