I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
