i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
