Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
