I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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