Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
