We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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