Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
