I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
