I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
