Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Found your dick twin last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What drink are we having for lunch?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
