you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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