I'm drive I can fine osifer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
