He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
