Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
