you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
