I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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