Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
