Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
