We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
