Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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