literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize