I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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