you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
