It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize