I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
