remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
A+ Viking dick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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