Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
