Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
