meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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