is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
