I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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