help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
