i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is Oprah even human
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
