That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
