he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
