Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
