Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
