We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize