Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
