I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
