i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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