How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
