Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
