So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's Friday. Sex?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize