and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The Olympian is in my bed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
