Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize