It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He has the fingertips of a God
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
